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Dear #11

I watched a movie tonight that reminded me of you. It made me miss you terribly.  You were my favorite, though I am not supposed to have one. 

 Sometimes, even with a very full house, I know I will never be complete.I wonder where you are, what you are doing, and if you are safe.

You called me mom, even though I didn’t want you too.  You weren’t allowed to and telling a 3 year old that was hard and complicated and that conversation was painful. Jp called me that but you weren’t allowed. You smiled when To stop me from being sad.  You made your foster family laugh and your foster brother loved you so much.  We miss you.  

Tonight I told your foster sister, who came after you and had never met you, about the girl that was mine but never really was.  You are the one that has continually taught me even though you were gone. Zoey will have a better mom because of you.  You have played a part in making me, me! 

I don’t even remember your last name anymore. One day I hope you come across my blog and discover the blog entries that were written to you.  I realize that is likely impossible. But still this blog is something.  Somehow, it still connects me to you. Again, it’s complicated. 

Every time I think of becoming a foster mom again I think of you and wonder if I ever would make it through another goodbye like that. 

For now, I am so glad I could have been there for you for that short moment that I was and for that reason alone maybe the last sentence is void. There are more kids out there like you and that have your story but there is so few adult that seem like me. An open house again? Would my heart even survive? 

I’m Back and Here is Something You All Have Missed.....

Dear Readers,


It’s been so long.  Ohhhh how I have missed you.  Through everything we have been through I had to fly solo on the adventure of my life.  It’s crazy what we have been through together birthdays and vacations and marketing projects.  I had been blogging since 2009 and life was so weird without being able to catch you up in the daily but, I had to take time out for me.  I had to give my brain a rest.  I had to give my eyes a rest.  Life was rough and hard and confusing and painful but it is in these moments that we grow.  

Remember all those times I was sick and trying to figure out what was wrong????? Turns out I had a brain cyst/tumor that was growing with each pregnancy and invading my life.  The life I so openly shared with you guys.  And you guys..... life is so much better. So much.  

So here I am.  I am back and I will catch you all up soon on the adventure it truly was. I can’t wait to get to know you guys again and let you know this new, improved, healthy me! 



3 Things you may want to know about Hula Hooping And Exercise

In a world with walls and politics and famine and fighting wouldn’t it be great to just find a way to just be you, in the moment and in the movement? That is what hooping is for me.  While I know I sound “so bohemian” when I talk like this I truly mean it.  Hooping has given me something to share with friends while simultaneously getting lost in myself.  My hooping journey has just begun but this is what I have learned so far.

  1. Not all hoops are created equal

Buying a hope isn’t as simple as going to the nearest Walmart in their weight loss isle.  It is not finding a hoop in the children’s section either.  Hoops are best bought being fit and customized directly to your height and your weight. Your weight, the hoops weight, your diameter, the hoop diameter, and the tube diameter are all factors in a successful hooping experience. 

  1. Hula Hooping is Breaking Ground

While the hula hoop may bring you the feeling of nostalgia the hula hooping scene is still evolving.  There is a vast and up and coming hoop culture that is still creating new moves, tricks, and twirls every day.  Just a quick search on Instagram will prove that hoopers come in all sizes, shapes, and forms.  In Paris, they hoop while playing basketball hoops.(no lie) In Madrid they have workshops that focus on neck hooping. There is a whole world out there filled with many people.  It’s encouraging for me to see that a hoop is not just a circle to many people. The possibilities seem endless and with the additional health benefits to this already fun activity I don’t think this culture will stop growing any time soon.  Here are a few of my favorite hoopers.

Ruby Hooping: https://instagram.com/rubyhooping?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=1woav8rh4lx0x

Miss Hoopdidoo: https://instagram.com/misshoopdidoo?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=r2ajq2yaucni

Deanne Love: 


  1. It’s a workout

Turn up the music and spin and spin and spin and eventually you will break a sweat.  Hoops come with different tensions and weights and as you are spinning you can’t help but get your heart rate up.  At first I couldn’t even last a song.  Now maybe I last a song and a half.  While that might not sound like much I encourage you to try.  The hooping benefits are plenty.  Using this art form as a source of exercise is both cardio and muscular movement that is starting at the core.  It’s gentle on the joints, cardio activating, family friendly with varying fitness levels, and fun.  I can’t ask much more from a simple hoop. 

If you are more interested in hooping follow me and my hooping journey on Instagram. 


The End of an Era

This is my last blog post at Praying for Pink. Here are my closing thoughts as I turn towards helping Activation ReACT help families in environmental distress from hurricanes, tornadoes, and such. But before I go here are some words for Zoey (and a reminder for us all)....

This blog was started the day I found out I was having a girl. I was terrified that Zoey would turn out like me, stuck in Cape May County and never explore what the world has to offer. I fear all of my children become complacent and find nothing but what comes to them.

Zoey is now 4. My words to Zoey will continue in a book between my kids and I even though this blog has stopped. I have shared wonderful moments with you all as a source of community and friendship for those that are on a similar journey in motherhood. The blogging industry has changed and so have I. For me, this is the end of an era. I still will be in the social space. Exciting opportunities are ahead for the whole family. New projects and new adventures await. Exciting Things!

Dear Zoey,

Zoey, you have made me a better mother. Your brothers did a great job until 4 years ago. I hyper-ventilated when I found out I was pregnant with a girl.  I started dreaming of what a daughter would be like, and you are nothing like it!  You are so much more.  You have always been so close to perfection that I often thought heaven would take you away from me too soon. It has caused me great anxiety. There also were your terrible twos that had their honest moments of parenting at its hardest. The love though always remained. It has been a legitimate fear for me that your existence was just a dream. But here, you are here.

Every day is gift. The 3 of you have made me who I am. You all have taught me more in 14 years than I think I will ever be able to teach you. But, these things are my closing thoughts. They are important to me that you know these things.

1. Be you and get excited: so many things make you laugh. As I know too well, the world will try to steal that from you. Find things you love. There is nobody else in the world like you. Take joy in that. Be proud. Rock your uniqueness. It is a strength.

2. Kindness isn't just a word and requires balance: The world is cruel. It's hard to not be sucked into the cruel parts. Be kind but you have my permission to not be weak. You are not a doormat.  Smile often. Kindness is always the preferred path. Choose your words carefully.  Don't be scared to stand up for what you believe in. It is ok to be mad and sad. You are allowed these emotions.

3. Popularity is not the same as having friends. Popularity is fleeting and friendships are forever.  True friends love you for who you are, even if you disagree. Search hard for your friends. You are a gift to them and they are a gift to you.

4. Manners are so important.  Learn how to eat at a table set with 4 forks. Chew with your mouth closed. Good manners will set you apart in all aspects of your life. They will matter in school, career, relationships, and just life. Always have manners.

5. Happiness is not something you can give. You can’t make another person happy. It is not our job. Find inner happiness. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Find your own path to happiness.

6. Admit when you are wrong: Take responsibility for your actions and stick by your word.  Admit when you’ve made a mistake.  Remember you are human.  Mistakes help us become the best versions of ourselves. Mistakes move us to learn and grow.  Forgive those that have made mistakes but there is nothing wrong with protecting you, and those you love, if you feel those mistakes are habit. Be responsible for your actions. Life happens fast. Judgement calls have to be made in split seconds and sometimes the calls are not correct. Admit it. Apologize. Learn. Grow. You are worth an apology.

7. Have courage to stand up for what is right.  Know that you are so strong. You have been since the moment you were born and ready to take on the world. You are capable of so many things. Surprise us both.

8. I love you. I may not "like" some of the choices you make in the future but make no doubt my love for you is endless. Together, We need to keep trying and keep loving.

9. There may be a lot of discipline, sorrow, or fear in life.  There also will be victories, joy, and happiness. You can't have one set from the other. Both provide perspective.

10. Don't dwell on the days, things, and moments you do not have. Focus on the time you did have. The things you do have, and the memories that were made. Make pictures in your mind and escape to them for inspiration.

I love you Z!


To my many readers, thank you for being you. Thank you for enjoying the life of Zoey for these past 4 years. It has been a joy sharing our blessings with you. Prayers are always appreciated.