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My Version of Heaven (Hula Hoops in Heaven)

I believe there are hula hoops in heaven.  
I believe there is a feast at every table filled with gourmet foods and liquid gold. It tastes delicious. 

Believe me, this is what I believe.

I believe that it is the perfect temperature, not too hot and not to cold.

....... where everyone wears golden spun flannel shirts tied around their waist just as an awesome fashion statement. 

I believe, that up above, the sounds of Laughter encompass your soul.  That chuckles and giggles reverberate in your heart so much that you can feel it. ........Deep. 

I believe in heaven that the type of laugher that shakes your belly and makes you roll out of your chair is an ever day thing.  

........What are you doing tomorrow at 2pm? I am going to stop, drop, and laugh. 

......I believe that when someone laughs in heaven it snows gold love notes from our loved ones. 

I believe that knees work like they are supposed to.  Hearts beat in rhythm to the G-rated rap songs playing from the clouds with a really sick beat.

....... Legs can dance in sync, even for those who previously, on earth, had two left feet. 

I believe that eyes hold no pain.  That they can see all the colors and then some. Only brighter. Only with glitter. Coated with glitter that sparkles like the top of the Freedom Buildings in the morning sunrise. Not tacky, just the perfect amount. 

I believe that vision is restored. 
I believe that infection is defeated. 
I believe that boobs point to the sky, always.

I believe in heaven, that the sun sets on the west and rises on the east, just because.  I believe that the Stars in the sky taste like peanut butter dipped in chocolate dipped in strawberry jam made by my grandmother Jeanette. “Like Racheal Ray would say “YUMO”

Pets run free, come when they are called, and they never EVER shed.  Tails always wag. 

There is no sadness
There is no tears
It sounds cliche but it’s what I believe. 

The sun doesn’t sunburn but it is also always shining. Always. 

The sun, in heaven, also plays music in surround sound. Perhaps even Christmas music for those that want it any time of the year. It can always be Christmas in heaven except 

.....without returns, exchanges, or anything with a monetary label. 

In heaven, if you want time with a loved one for Christmas? Yes


Is today your Birthday? yes! 

 I believe another version of me, a me from the future after it’s my time to go, is there with them. In heaven time travel is possible. In heaven nobody, no where, no how is lonely, ever.

A whole version.  The future “heaven me” dances with them to music.  It is a party every day and those in heaven never dance alone.

Everyone has a friend.
Everyone has a sister.
Everyone has a brother.
No one has loneliness. 

Love. It’s all there in heaven. This is what I believe. 

It is like this in heaven. I believe it. 

Hula Hoops in heaven, you bet.

Defeated (honest thoughts)

Dang it!  This time last year I felt so invincible.  I ran my first 5K ever with Nolan by my side. I was sick for so long so when I got better, I hit the ground running.  Literally! Not just with racing but also with everything I had and did with my time for my community and for my family. Most of you watched and cheered me on. 

I really though that I could share my strength and my motivation with others and we could solve some blatant problems that seem so simple.  In most of my causes the problems were caused by selfishness or industrial red tape.   Easy fix? Not exactly. Something that should be simple but isn’t. I have watched from afar as people have profited from pain and heartbreak. I have watched why people have put industry before humans and I have watched as people have purposefully put up hurdles continually disadvantaging the youth in their communities.  It has been so disappointing. In fact heartbreaking. 

This year has been so humbling.  

I guess it’s a good thing and I am now returning back to earth.  These problems are our reality and they are bigger than me. I think I always knew this to be true. But who wants to say this outloud? 

I hope that my hope and energy and enthusiasm for life and my optimism in people helped someone out there this year.  It’s been hard to learn that the magic that I was hoping to share was actually just luck of the draw.  Why was I lucky when someone else was not? There is nothing that I had that could be shared.  I don’t have a magical touch or an “in” with God. Wouldn’t it be awesome if I did though? 

I knew this but I had hoped. 

I knew this but I didn’t want to believe it.  

There is nothing more that I could do. It sucks. This is reality.  This is life.  Here we are in problems that will continue for generations.  That is a sobering reality.  

(In my desire to be vague I assume some people may be thinking of a specific cause or person and I am not specifically talking about any one situation.  I am talking about a realization that I am merely only 1 human with tasks and goals set way to big) 

My new gig.......

Recently, I have given up on a lot of things!  It is not a bad thing.  When I was sick I had time to dream a lot.  When I got better I hit the ground running. Since then, I have let go of almost 100 million dreams. I have decided to focus only on a few.  The focus has given me so much clarity.  Though it was hard to choose which road to travel, It’s been good for me.

I don’t want to be the perfect wife or the perfect mother.  I just want to try my best.  I don’t want to be a world famous hula hooper.  I just want to try my best.  I don’t need to have the biggest car or house or own a boat or...... I just want to do my best with what I have been given. I don’t want to have the biggest dance store in New Jersey.  I just want to do my best at saving “the local mom’s” time(because I am a mom too and I know how valuable time is) and to be part of a dancer’s journey. 

If you have been following, In May I launched a business.  I opened up a mobile dance store. I started small.  I started with tights around recital season. That’s it.  Just. Tights. I carried a container with me every where.  I did ballet tight deals everywhere. The wawa parking lot, the hair salon, the steps of the performance center, the hallways of the performing art center. It was exciting and an honor and fun. But, at times it was humbling.  It still is sometimes humbling but while I was working this morning I saw this image amongst the Capezio merchandise. 

The tights container NOW fits in my trunk.  Now I don’t just have 1 trunk.  I now have 2!!!!! One day I hope to have my own space that my trunk can fit in with the container that once held all of the tights. #goals But until then....But....until....then.... I am going to carry my trunks proud.  I am growing.  I am growing slow, but I am still growing. I am learning. I am getting to know my customer base and I love that all so much.  

We all have to start somewhere. I just want to be the best I can and today I saw a movement from where I started.   I know, very well, this journey is all my own and I just can’t be compared to anyone else.

You, on your own journey, can not compare either.   No one holds a candle to you.  Be you!  Dream to be the best version of you that you can be. 

Happy Back to (Dance)School season everyone!

The Deal With My Tattoo

Sometimes, when life gives you a brain tumor diagnosis and you find out brain surgery is in your future you go and get tattoo??????? Yes!!!! John and I got these in Texas, first trip, right after I had met with my doctor in Texas and he officially took my case.  John and I talked about getting matching wedding band tattoos for years but every time we started to make plans to make it happen I would get pregnant.  Then I got sick. 

At the time, in Texas, I figured we were just killing time and deflecting with the very scary next step, surgery. Since then, I realize that these EKG tattoos on our wedding/ring finger were recommitting(again) our heart to the commitment we took 17 long, very long, not in anyway easy, very hard, “yes” years. I told a friend, during that time, I had to say yes to marriage every.single.day.  At that time, I wanted to quit at everything! life and motherhood and marriage.  I wanted to give up but John didn’t let me.  None of you did.  The time was awful but it was just a brief moment in our 17.  Let me be straight, this man drives me nuts and there is a lot of his beliefs that I do not agree with, endorse, or understand.  But I love him and I promised that I would be his life mate so every day I say YES to him. And..... I am so thankful for him doing the same.  It’s not our anniversary but DANG this year, y’all. It’s not a normal year so I am choosing to celebrate our YES (I DO) on the ordinary days just like today.  Just like we do in the scary and poor days and the amazing and rich days.