What does an ugly marriage look like online?

Dear Readers, I finally edited this post, somewhat! John, my husband, has read it. I asked him not to proof it. It is my thoughts, part of my love story, opened up online for you. I want to raise a genuine conversation! How can you be professional online, but also open enough to show that there is a real couple behind a computer screen?

In marriage remember this......

You only know today, not tomorrow, and it's up to you who keeps your company!

We met when we were 17 and 18. Despite what was predicted, we have made it 15 years. We have had some "off" years. We have shared amazing years.

15 Years.

That's long. That was a big adult decision. I said "I Do!" at 20. I loved/love him.

The day we got married, we eloped. Our dinner that night was at Red Lobster. #CLASSY It wasn't glamorous, but I was so happy. Unbelievably happy. Truest of happy. The kind of happy many people don't get to experience EVER, let alone that "early" in life.

15 years.

I am 4 years short of being married longer than being single. #woah

A fellow blogger said, "we are our own paparazzi and we are showing our lives perfect and not real. We don't show our ugly sides." I agree!

But, what do the ugly pictures of marriage look like? Packed brown boxes? Vague Facebook statuses? Selfies with a tear filled face? Long nights awake fighting? How does someone capture marriage trouble in digital imagery?

Who wants to see or read that? Does misery truly love company? For me it is just the desire to be as true in real life as I am online.

Marriage,like everything else in life, is not immune to tribulations. Every. Single. Marriage. Has. Hard. Times. When my marriage is struggling I am in straight up "marriage survival mode" and not in "Hold up, let me take a selfie mode!"

This could make the relationship one sided online, but in beautiful pictures pinned on Pinterest and grammed on insta's defense, happy pictures help remember happy times. Happy memories help us get through the muddy, rocky parts of the marriage trail. This is how I keep climbing the mountain of marriage. I focus on the happy. The goal is to make it through "today" with your spouse, TOGETHER.

I want to be respectful of the privacy of my husband. (I am an open book and he is not. I guess opposites do INDEED attract. Way to go Paula Abdul!) But, I also want to share the messy parts, because in them you see the growth. You see the beautiful climb. You see that marriage is not something you hope for. Marriage is something you DECIDE to have, day after day after day after day!

It's a complicated social media obsessed world we live in as the union of 2 people try to survive. I want to be transparent online enough to see the climb. I want you to see the story.

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Everyone will fail you. Learn forgiveness. Learn grace. Learn honesty. Learn to love again, and again, and again. Marriage is not a walk in the park, it's a trek in the jungle. I kid not. Sometimes, beautiful butterflies with ginormous wingspans knock you down right next to a hypothetical boa constrictor ready to squeeze the air out of your lungs. Being married is a freaking adventure. It takes guts. You never know what the next day will hold.

As I write this, I am glad I walked down the aisle to the young man I chose 15 years ago. We aren't as young as we once were. Tomorrow, will be another adventure and I will start it holding my husband's hand. Just him and I in the rainforest of life. Come on life, take it easy on us today.

To my kids,

May you see the climb. May you feel the love. May you realize YOU are a product of that love. WE LOVE YOU, Always!



  1. I love this. I totally agree every marriage has ups and downs and some sideways too. Each step helps you grow as a couple and family, thank you for this reminder.

    1. I wrote it as a reminder to me. I am so glad you enjoyed too. Thanks for commenting. I love the comments.