To the Bride that almost was,

"We only know today, we do not know tomorrow."-my Mom

I want to start this post off saying, "My husband is wonderful man! Just like most complex males on this planet they are confusing. This is not meant to rehash but to reach out that might have or are there. John is a mystery I will never fully understand but I know if I would be dull. It would be boring. I can't imagine the last 15 years without him!"

To the Bride that almost was,

I was once you. I was heartbroken on the floor. The day that was supposed to be my wedding day. The day that everyone wanted to be with me and said "cheer up, all I wanted was to BE with him. That day was supposed to be April 13th!

2 weeks before the wedding he called it off. The stressful me was practically left at the "almost" altar. I was a girl at her bridal shower, no longer a bride. He cancelled the wedding. I had a ton of gifts I needed to return. He called it all off. He said goodbye to the future we planned. He said goodbye to the dreams we had. I felt so much pain.

I lost 20 lbs in 3 months. With my heart broken I was taught to "put on a happy face" and grin. I rarely broke down to bare my true feeling to the world after that. I wanted to show the world I didn't need a man. Yet, I was facing the world solo and scared because I truly felt I had met "my person!" After months/years of dreaming of a future, that included a man, he was (EVER so publicly) choosing to NOT be with me. We live in a small town and word travels fast around these parts.

Are you here? Was your wedding plans just halted. Were you dating someone you thought you would be spending your life with and now know you will not? If so read on........

The level of wounds you feel now is valid. You should feel them. You are human. The level of wounds I felt was valid and I held onto those wounds for years. I held onto them way too long but they are big freakin wounds. My.heart.shattered!

I thought no one else could love me. I thought my purpose in life included "us as a team!" I felt it so strongly that while shopping for a bathing suit, I would look for a white dress for the moment....ya know......just in case.....he came to his senses. My shopping friends called me pathetic. I look back and know that I was "just waiting!"

I was waiting for him to get his heart and mind in the same place. I swear to this day, he stopped listening to one, either his heart or brain. Over the last two years my validations were confirmed, not by him, but by a prominent figure in his life.

Here is the deal. Marriage is hard and that prominent figure in John's life knew that. That person knew that and instincts went into protecting him. John was confused.

He had to choose to grow up and choose what his heart was saying....... Eventually, he did choose me. In "my" case, he chose me. (But, in the process causing major trauma to my heart, our friendship, and years of work in our marriage rebuilding trust)

I am not writing this post to rehash things. I am writing this post because for those of you on the floor on your "what was supposed to be wedding day" I have advice. For those of you who just broke up with your boyfriend, I have advice.

Stay on the floor. Cry it out and Let it out. Your feelings are valid! However, if this BREAKUP has made YOU feel invalid, those feelings are NOT true. You are worth being loved. If not by the man that you have been planning with, picking a wedding date with, or dreaming of a future with....... this is not the end.

Life is not over.

Life will continue.

Slowly get up off the floor. Make a personal dream chart with goals of YOUR own. Plan to travel. Go on the honeymoon, anyway. Reach for a star and claim it.

There are other fish in the sea........, but who the heck said you were a fish? (Where did that saying come from, anyway.......)

Put your wings on and fly. Become a butterfly. Become a bird. Go high when you want to lay low. Do goodwill onto others. Approach life with an open mind.

We do not know what tomorrow holds but we do know this. "You are what you believe you are!" Believe you are a prize worth fighting for. That other person let you go and it sucks. I cry with you. It's their loss.

But, approach your future open to reconciliation with yourself. Also, approach with the wisdom to know you are worth more than rubies, more then a ring on your finger, and absolutely more than a day spent in a puffy dress.

So, today isn't your wedding day....... but what will tomorrow bring? There is only one way to find out. Get up and fly!


P.s. My tomorrow, that was actually many yesterdays ago, had brought me back to the marriage I knew I was supposed to have. Sometimes, I wish John and I could have started with a clean slate but we never could/can. It took years for me to finally have "my" day in my puffy dress with forgiveness in my vows and not animosity. Cancelling the wedding came at a huge cost and it took years to put back together my heart. It was a lot of work.

P.s.s. If you have a chance to find a new love and HAVE to say goodbye to the forever "you had planned" it might not be all that bad. Adventure on with a clean slate and a healed heart. You know your worth now. Too bad "that" someone else missed out. #shrugitoff

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