Defeated (honest thoughts)

Dang it!  This time last year I felt so invincible.  I ran my first 5K ever with Nolan by my side. I was sick for so long so when I got better, I hit the ground running.  Literally! Not just with racing but also with everything I had and did with my time for my community and for my family. Most of you watched and cheered me on. 

I really though that I could share my strength and my motivation with others and we could solve some blatant problems that seem so simple.  In most of my causes the problems were caused by selfishness or industrial red tape.   Easy fix? Not exactly. Something that should be simple but isn’t. I have watched from afar as people have profited from pain and heartbreak. I have watched why people have put industry before humans and I have watched as people have purposefully put up hurdles continually disadvantaging the youth in their communities.  It has been so disappointing. In fact heartbreaking. 

This year has been so humbling.  

I guess it’s a good thing and I am now returning back to earth.  These problems are our reality and they are bigger than me. I think I always knew this to be true. But who wants to say this outloud? 

I hope that my hope and energy and enthusiasm for life and my optimism in people helped someone out there this year.  It’s been hard to learn that the magic that I was hoping to share was actually just luck of the draw.  Why was I lucky when someone else was not? There is nothing that I had that could be shared.  I don’t have a magical touch or an “in” with God. Wouldn’t it be awesome if I did though? 

I knew this but I had hoped. 

I knew this but I didn’t want to believe it.  

There is nothing more that I could do. It sucks. This is reality.  This is life.  Here we are in problems that will continue for generations.  That is a sobering reality.  

(In my desire to be vague I assume some people may be thinking of a specific cause or person and I am not specifically talking about any one situation.  I am talking about a realization that I am merely only 1 human with tasks and goals set way to big) 

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